Children in foster care have often experienced trauma, loss, neglect, or disrupted attachments. These experiences can deeply affect how children understand the world, manage emotions, and build relationships. Trauma‑informed parenting recognises the impact of these experiences and responds with empathy, predictability, and care – helping children feel safe enough to begin healing.
What Is Trauma‑Informed Parenting?
Trauma‑informed parenting shifts the focus from:
“What’s wrong with this child?”
to:
“What has this child been through, and what do they need right now?”
Rather than viewing behaviour as defiant or attention‑seeking, it understands that many challenging behaviours are survival responses developed in unsafe or unpredictable environments.
Key Principles of Trauma‑Informed Care
1. Safety Comes First
Children who have experienced trauma need to feel both physically and emotionally safe before they can learn, trust, or connect.
You can support safety by:
- Keeping routines predictable and consistent
- Using calm voices and clear, simple expectations
- Reducing surprises wherever possible
- Creating safe spaces where children can pause, calm, and regulate
When children feel safe, their brains are better able to engage, respond, and heal.
2. Build Trust Through Relationships
Healing happens within strong, reliable relationships. For many children in care, trust has been broken before.
Build trust by:
- Being consistent and following through on promises
- Showing genuine interest in the child’s world, hobbies, and experiences
- Accepting that trust may take time – and regress during stress
- Staying emotionally available, even during difficult moments
Connection is more powerful than control.
3. Understand Behaviour as Communication
Trauma can affect a child’s ability to recognise, express, or manage feelings appropriately.
When behaviour is challenging:
- Look for the need behind the behaviour
- Pause and ask, “What might this child be feeling right now?”
- Address emotional needs before correcting behaviour
- Avoid taking behaviour personally
Many behaviours are a child’s way of saying:
“I don’t feel safe,” or “I don’t know how to cope.”
4. Support Emotional Regulation
Children who have experienced trauma may struggle with intense or overwhelming emotions.
You can help by:
- Modelling calm behaviour during stress
- Teaching simple coping strategies, such as deep breathing or grounding
- Helping children name their emotions
(“It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated right now.”) - Co‑regulating first, before expecting self‑regulation
Children learn how to calm themselves through repeated experiences of being calmed by safe adults.
5. Use Discipline That Teaches, Not Punishes
Traditional punishment can re‑trigger fear, shame, or rejection for children with trauma histories.
Instead, focus on:
- Teaching skills and repairing relationships
- Using natural or logical consequences when appropriate
- Separating the child from the behaviour
(“You are safe – the behaviour is not.”) - Offering opportunities to make things right
Effective discipline builds understanding, not fear.
6. Empower the Child
Trauma can leave children feeling powerless and unheard.
Support empowerment by:
- Offering choices wherever possible
- Encouraging age‑appropriate independence
- Validating their feelings, voice, and experiences
- Celebrating effort and progress – not just outcomes
Feeling capable, respected, and heard helps build resilience and confidence.
7. Take Care of Yourself as a Carer
Trauma‑informed parenting is meaningful – but demanding.
Remember to:
- Seek support from professionals and peer networks
- Reflect on and acknowledge your own emotional responses
- Take breaks and rest when needed
- Practise self‑compassion
A regulated, supported adult is the most powerful resource for a dysregulated child.
A Final Thought
Healing from trauma is not linear. Progress may be slow, and setbacks are a normal part of the journey. Your patience, consistency, and compassion make a lasting difference – even when it isn’t immediately visible.
Every safe, caring response helps build a child’s sense of trust and hope for the future.
Looking for More Guidance?
Our Fostering Information Hub is full of practical articles designed to support foster carers at every stage of their journey. From understanding children’s behaviour and trauma to building resilience, supporting teens, and caring for yourself, you’ll find a wide range of resources to explore. Visit our Fostering Information Hub to discover more articles you ma